Movies

Summer of Action Movie Watching Pleasure: Boondock Saints (#19)

It’s all good looking bad ass until mom shows up around the corner and you gotta hide that shit with the quickness  The Boondock Saints is probably one of the most underrated action films of all time. To think, there was a point when it almost didn’t get made. If you get a chance, check out Overnight, a documentary about the making of Boondock Saints, It chronicles the directors exploits and how he alienates all those around him, namely the big wigs at Miramax who were funding the film. Because of Duffy’s exploits, Miramax chose to wipe their hands of the entire situation, dropped funding for the movie and the property was later picked up by an Indie development company, where we got the film we have today. Pretty crazy, huh? Boondock Saints stars Sean Patrick Flannery and Norman Reedus as two Irish brothers that work in a meat packing district in Boston. Think Super Mario Brothers, but a whole lot more grimy and they have pistols and rope instead of plumbing equipment and psychedelic flowers. Come to think, you’d have to be on psychedelic mushrooms and flowers to unclog people’s sinks for a living.

Summer of Action Movie Watching Pleasure: Ip Man (#20)

A Stage-1 Chinese “Noogie” dictates jamming one’s fist through an opponent’s cheek until it breaks through the other cheekIp Man is the legendary tale of the renowned Wing Chun practitioner of the same name, who eventually came to be Bruce Lee’s master and mentor, among other notable fighters. If you haven’t already seen this, and you subscribe to Netflix, don’t even bother marking it in your queue. In fact, search it and watch it immediately. The film stars Donnie Yen, who is notable as the star of awesome kung-fu film, Iron Monkey. But if you’re not as well-versed in the Cantonese cinema as I am, you’ll probably remember him from Blade II as “Snowman,” which IMDB credits as a mute swordsman. This was apparently supposed to be his breakout role in America, but since the film was critically panned, we all know what that meant.

Red State Review

Spoiler Alert; this movie a god awful piece of shit. Did I ruin it for you? Sorry, but I’m seriously tempted to conclude my review with just that. Because of the respect I have for Kevin Smith I’ll actually break down why the movie was such a train wreck. It’s honestly taken a herculean effort to find parts of this movie that I actually enjoyed. There’s nothing I enjoyed about that movie, I did my best to try to think of something but I’m sorry I’m only human and I can’t simply manifest matter from my mind. Throughout the film I was on the edge of my seat, restless, just waiting for the credits to roll. I didn’t care about any of the characters, the plot or the subplots all of which went nowhere. It’s sad to think that at one time Mall Rats was considered the black eye on Kevin Smith’s film career despite it being a damn good movie. Then came Jersey Girl; which in comparison to Red State is borderline a masterpiece; a least there’s Liv Tyler to look at. The tragedy of Red State is that Kevin Smith is capable of doing so much better. A…

Avengers Assemble!

It’s only a mild exaggeration to say that I want to cryogenically freeze myself until May 12 of next year so I don’t have to wait 8 agonizing months for the release of the Avengers. In other words, Captain America + Thor + Iron man + The Hulk = ZOMG! So excited! I’ve been beaming with anticipation for this movie ever since it was for announced that the aforementioned characters, Captain America, Thor, Iron man, and The Hulk, were not simply in a shared movie universe but that the movies were actually leading towards an ensemble film. *Gasp!* Each film has its own merit and was able to succeed in making me care about characters that I only had a passing interest in. Marvel Studios did such a good job that I was more excited for Thor than I was for the latest X-men movie and I’ve never picked up a Thor comic in my life. Growing up reading comic books I’ve always been a sucker for crossovers and cameo’s of all sorts so a movie like Avengers is something that I’ve always wanted without even knowing that I’ve always wanted it. I honestly was never a big fan of…

Oh How Amazing, Spiderman!

Spider-man, Spider-man, does whatever a spider can. Well, to borrow a line from Snatch, Who the fuck wants to see it!? No, I don’t hate Spiderman in general, I actually hold him in very high regard. He’s easily one of my favorite Marvel characters. But I’m not excited about the new Spiderman movie what-so-ever. Admittedly, I wasn’t excited about X-Men: First Class either and I ended up loving it. So it’s very possible that I’ll end up eating my words. Although I find that doubtful. I admittedly don’t give much regard to any Marvel movie not produced by Marvel Studios; conversely I have fanboy level affection for everything and anything coming out of Marvel studios, so I’m a wee bit biased. So why the hate for the much anticipated Spiderman 4? Oh wait, I mean the “Amazing” Spiderman. I just watched the trailer for it and to put it nicely, I was not the least bit impressed. First of all, do we really need yet another Spiderman reboot? No. But I could live with it if I at least saw something in the trailer that excited or intrigued me but it failed on both accounts. My biggest complaint is the…

The Netflix Pricing Fiasco: Know Why and What It Could Mean in The Future

Alternatively, scroll down and be done with it!   Juanita had to find new work once her gang leader was busted on illegal distribution charges. Thanks to Netflix, she’s gone legit. According to this interesting article I found on Yahoo, we now know why Netflix decided to separate Dvd-only and Instant Streaming services and then combine them for a price increase that stinks more than the foulest cow pattie.  For $16/month, you can now enjoy 1 dvd out at a time along with unlimited instant movies on your computer/game console (and now DS), up 60% from $10/month for the same service.  So with Netflix finally announcing why they decided to up the pricing on all its deals, I’m here to present their reasons and raise a few questions of my own.  I’m sure many of you have wondered the same thing. In the aforementioned article, “This, as you can imagine, is not a popular decision. This isn’t a cost-of-living increase. This isn’t inflation. It’s a 60 percent overnight price increase – that gives you nothing new in return.”  I know that last bit is what has many customers griping and has them nipping at Netflix’s heels to provide more incentives…

Zombieland Review or: How I Bitched So Much It Became an Adventureland Review

I’m not particularly a huge fan of Jesse Eisenberg.  I don’t dislike him, but you won’t catch me going out of my way to see his films and Zombieland was no exception.  Add on the fact that he’s such a one-dimensional actor, and you have a ‘Liz Lemon Certified’ Deal Breaker.  My hate for Jesse Eisenberg was first seeded in a little piece of shite called, ‘Adventureland.’  WORST 8 F@CKING DOLLARS I EVER SPENT!  $16 if you count my wife….and I don’t….or do, depending on her sexy, hazelnut eyes ever seeing this. Jesse Eisenberg, Y U No Michael Cera?! 2009’s Adventureland was a promising, comical rom-com featuring some of my favorite actors to date;  my man-crush, Ryan Reynolds, the hilarious Bill Hader, the rapidly-rising star Kristen Wiig, and hipster/nerd Martin Starr of Party Down fame (F&G too).  From commercials alone, the movie seemed really funny.  Bill Hader running after people with baseball bats, people getting cock-punched,  Bill Hader being loud and obnoxious, Ryan Reynolds being a womanzier,  corn dogs thrown at faces, awkward boner moments!  What’s not to love?  Well in my humble, but truthful opinion, the movie was crap.