Sims 4 – The Cake is a Sim


I love The Sims. I played it since it was

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a baby Sims 1, and have enjoyed each addition to varying degrees. Now, we welcome the new era, and if any of you played Sims 3, you know that it felt far more polished than Sims 2, boasting better graphics, and beautiful interactive environments.

And while it may have grabbed your attention with these fancy effects, it often failed to hold it for long, as you stared at the clock waiting for your sim to get off of work. Granted, they had implemented some nice features to make work a little more interesting, and while Sims 4 tries even harder to make you more involved in the work aspect, which I appreciate, it doesn’t help soften the fact that you are spending 1/3 of the game (if you are a bachelor) staring at nothing.

For me, The Sims comes to life with the interactions with people, and being able to manifest my real world dreams within this game. So I started off the game; I made my character, was surprised to find they somehow made the interface for changing clothes trickier by replacing all the buttons that you usually click, like torso clothes, etc… were gone, and you were supposed to just click on the Sims’ constantly moving, corresponding body part.

With just me and the standard 20,000 Simolean trust fund, no doubt given to me by the family I murdered to find the selection of clothes I was wearing, I bought a lot(of land), an empty patch of grass, and set about making my house. I’m a simple man, so I made four large square rooms, and one smaller square entrance to which they were

all connected; a kitchen and dining room, a living room, my bedroom, and a bathroom.

That’s all you really need to survive in the real world. I furnished it with the best bed

I could buy, and some other cheaper appliances and items, and hit the play button to start time. And there He was, a little me, running around a crappy little house I built, about to start a new life, and for the moment, I was happy. I took this time to click on a few things; the fridge, make some food, “inspect” the toilet, make sure my sim thinks it’s up to par. You know, the

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usual. But, one can only look in awe at the uncolored drywall for so long, the large empty spaces dominated by nothing but wood floors. I knew what my calling had to be. I hopped on my phone, looked for a job, and chose Secret Agent.


Skip to twenty days later, I am now rank four in my job tree, but my sim is having problems. Every day he comes home having had no fun, tired, and generally looking red in the crystal (If you know what I mean). I made him to be a creative lover, who is

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lazy, and inspired. ‘Well no wonder!’ you say to yourself, and probably me, “shouldn’t he be a writer, or painter, or musician?!” To that I say, don’t ruin my dreams of macking on ladies in Germany. Shame on you!

But even I didn’t listen to myself, and quit the job. Although I was making good money, I wasn’t doing anything interesting, and the off days were so few and far in between. I changed my profession to a writer. How cliche, I know, but it was actually way more fun. You only work about half the time, the other

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half you spend improving your sim, whether it be personally, or socially. There is a lot less down time, meaning you are

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playing the game a lot more, plus, once my sim became a competent book writer, at the peak of his career, he was pulling in 5k a day JUST from royalties on books, plus another 1k for every day he worked.


Simoleans, simoleans, Simoleans!

Simoleans, Simoleans, Simoleans!

Needless to say I was quickly banking money, and decided to find myself a partner. Now, if you’ve ever played a game with me, you know I play to win, and so when I saw my smoking hot maid cleaning my kitchen, I put two and two together to make her mine. Now, my guy, having been a secret agent had his charisma skill up, so he

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was already a smooth talker, his social skills were on par with his charisma, and thankfully, she was into a lot of the same things as I was.

My avatar and hers quickly hit it off, becoming fast friends, and within the next two days she was my girlfriend. Now, things were getting serious, we had whoo hooed a few times, and I knew we would have a kid together, but not as things were. She would still leave during the day and come back to clean my house, and then we

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would hang out at night, so I made the next move a few days later. I asked her to move in, and though she brought in 20k, your standard simolean trust fund, I found out she was homeless, and now jobless. Now I had two sims to take care of, and one whom I unemployed by loving! What terrible irony.

Regardless of

this fact, I set her up with the entertainment career track, though still focusing more on my own personal growth and needs as a writer, since I was now half way through the career, and the real

bread winner

of the house.

sims elder change

There was…no warning…Just like life.

It must have been a week later, when the change happened. She turned one

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night, from a beautiful adult, into an elder. There was no warning, I had no way to check her age. I knew time was running out now, my future children were at risk. I married her that same night, we eloped in our living room, and whoo hooed two or three times, but I was damned, there was no option to make children, no matter how many times I seemed to whoo hoo with her.

As I fell asleep from what

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must of been our fifth whoo hoo, my new wife got up from the bed to get a snack. That’s when the heart attack hit her, the game said “She has died from overexertion.” I was stunned, though also asleep. I was sad in real life, but it really didn’t seem to affect my in-game character. He

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was riding high in the next few days from his just being married bonus, and being

in love with someone bonus. He cried once, over her urn for about five in-game minutes, but other then that, showed no outward signs that he had just experienced the death of a loved one.

sims 4 death

“Well you’re lucky, I had her scheduled for pre-coitus.”

A strange thing that did happen, is about five or six men, all men, showed up at my house, and began grieving at the urn. I had never met any of them before, and put it down to it being my former wife’s friends. But after a week of this, I was sick of it, they would knock on my door, endlessly, cry for hours, use my computer, and enter my house unasked. I finally figured out you could send them away, by first, asking them to hang out, then asking them to leave, and one by one, they left, to never bother me again. Except for Caden. Fucking Caden! He’s a chubby middle-aged guy who kept up his routine for at least two weeks in-game, as

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I tried desperately to get him to leave my house. I was mean to him, I tried to call the police(but there is no option), I tried doing the trick I learned earlier, but to no avail. I tried doing any physical harm I could to him; still nothing.

Caden, for all his yelling and moaning and screaming, hadn’t eaten in all this time, and the worst part was, whenever I

slept, time no longer sped up super fast for those 5-8 hours, and instead would crawl by as I watch this guy pound on my door at two in the morning, like Fred from the Flintstones.

So… two weeks of this. I was sick of it, through with the house, and tired of the neighborhood. So I packed up my things, sold everything off, and with my whopping one hundred forty thousand Simoleans moved to a new place across town. Thankfully this solved all my problems…. for a week. Then, one day, guess who comes knocking on my door? FUCKING CADEN! Here to molest me in my new house, in my new life! I couldn’t stand

it, and promptly exited to the main menu to contemplate this games fate.

Now, I know I didn’t touch on a lot of the things, like the games new features, or anything like that, and that’s because I don’t see them having done anything new. Moodlets are just boosts to your basic stats, and an easy way to break the game. In turn, they make the game more about earning said moodlets, more so than managing your sim’s life. I can’t tell you how many showers my sim took just so he could get another inspiration bonus, and type up another story. It’s things like that, the obvious flaws which irk me.

Sims pool

A beautiful Sims 3 Pool


In the end, I say just play the previous sims games until they update it to the point that they catch up with all the features of at least Sims 3; they offer more, are cheaper, and they don’t make a whole big thing about building a pool. But don’t take my word for it! Dun nuh nuh!

Official Sims 4 Pools Trailer

Hope you caught the ghosts in the video also.

(P.S. None of these are my personal screen shots like I usually do, I take no credit for their work.)



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