Enroute to Belfast, bitches!
“Oh nooooo! My baby! He took my baby!” cried Jax Teller during the season finale of season 2 as an Irishman sailed away with his baby boy. Oh yes, a man who was once an ally, a man who once shared an intimate moment with Juice (Juice put his fingers in his ass, seriously) had turned public enemy number one. All due to a sinister scheme engineered by Agent Stahl.
When Agent Stahl was first introduced, I really liked her character. She was so off the wall and bizarre not to mention a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. But her pension for being a devious bitch quickly overshadowed her charms. The lengths with which she was willing to take to succeed made her the perfect foil for Samcro. While they’re willing to threaten, assault and murder to accomplish their goals, they do so within a loose but existent code of ethics; no women, no children, and try really hard not to kill each other either. Agent Stahl on the other hand, is unbound by even a remote moral code. She even goes as far as killing her own lesbian lover. Perhaps lover isn’t the most appropriate word; creatures like Stahl aren’t capable of such emotional connections. Tig was absolutely broken after mistakenly killing Donna and he’s easily the most twisted member of Samcro. Stahl on the other hand kills with impunity, whether directly or indirectly and that’s what makes her such a great character to love to hate. Now grab the wheel bitch!
Look, about that Donna thing…funny story…
But I digress, what was I talking about again? Oh yes, Season 3: Belfast. To be frank, I didn’t enjoy season 3 nearly as much as the first two seasons, save for the finale which was fantastic. That’s not to say it wasn’t a good season, to the contrary it was quite good. But I wanted Jax to get his baby back ASAP and go scorched Earth on anybody and everybody that tried to stop him from doing so. I assumed that Jax would get his baby back within an episode or two, but he had no such luck. Instead the Sons were dicked around by an asshole priest and the Belfast chapter of their club over and over again. It was irritating to say the least.
Alas, it wasn’t all car bombs and police road blocks, no there was fun to be had as well. While in Belfast it’s revealed that Papa Teller had been engaged in shall was say, extracurricular activities. Needless to say, unbeknownst to Jax he has a half-sister floating around Ireland. Well, Jax with his infinite manwhoredom nearly beds his half-sister. Luke smooching with Leia much? To be fair, his sister’s a hot redhead. No, not Emma Stone.
Anyway, while SAMCRO have their hands full in Belfast, Tig is stuck babysitting Gemma back in Charming. That proves to be an impossible task since Gemma just can’t seem to stay out of trouble. I guess she can’t be completely to blame for having to bury another body, because Tara lent a helping hand. I seriously cringed as I watched that scene, screaming on the inside, “No! Tara! Don’t do it!” But she did, and fell for the oldest trick in the book. If you can learn anything from this blog, please remember that if you have somebody tied up in the basement and they claim that their hands have gone numb, tell them to suck it up. Don’t untie them to the let their blood circulate. Please, just do me that favor. I can’t rip on Tara too much though, because she redeemed herself when she took out Salazar’s girlfriend with piece of a broken mirror. I see why Jax keeps her around, can’t go wrong with a girl who can think on her feet.
Okay, okay! I’ll say it! I love crêpes!
Despite the fact that I’ve undoubtedly spoiled just about everything there is to spoil in Season 3, I won’t spoil the ending because even I’m not that cruel. No, instead I’ll point you to the most unintentionally humorous scene of the season. When Jax finally finds out that all along it’s been the priest who had his son and he had no intention of giving him back, he loses it. That’s not the funny part. Jax rushes the priest in a blind rage and the priest launches Jacks across a table, effortlessly! I was crestfallen, you’d think with all his bad ass bikerness Jax could handle some hefty old dude, but you’d be mistaken. If there’s nothing else that stood out about season 3, it was that scene. The moral of the story is…
Don’t let the neckerchief fool ya, I’m a fucking badass!
– “The Inglorious” Prometheus