The late Notorious B.I.G. once cautioned, “…that a killing is thrilling. [and] All the blood spilling, is all a part of drug dealing”. The dealings of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original (SAMCRO) are no exception. Through 4 seasons of “Hamlet on Motorcycles” they’ve piled up bodies on both sides of the law. While numerous people have died as a direct result of their dealings; some definitely deserved to die more so than others. Others still, were practically begging for it.
As that stands, I’ve highlighted 5 of the Most Satisfying Kills which occurred from seasons one through four of Sons of Anarchy.
Number Five – Georgi Caruso:
Not that I’m in a position to critique, but those boots could really use some polish.
Like many who SAMCRO have had run-ins with, Georgi Caruso is a scum bag. But unlike many of the other scum bags who they’ve dealt with, Caruso’s actions not only continue to have serious repercussions for the club, but have devastated the already tragic life of Otto Delaney.
It would be a gross understatement to say that Otto Delaney has had a hard life. Georgie Caruso is, in large part, to thank for the latter half of Otto’s misery. As if Otto serving a life sentence and being nearly blind in both eyes wasn’t bad enough, Caruso took away the last thing that kept Otto going; his wife. Adult performer turned adult film producer, Luann Delaney was beaten to death in retaliation for SAMCRO encroaching on Caruso’s smut peddling business. Caruso not only robbed Otto of someone he loved but he robbed the world of films most cherished.
While Georgie Caruso was able to cheat death once, he eventually got his comeuppance and Bobby Elvis did the honors. Caruso’s film career came to an abrupt end, in the trunk of his car, pumped full of bullets.
Let’s not get too hasty fellas! I’ll cut you a deal, 50% off any DVD in the store. Okay, okay, 65%! But I won’t go a percent higher than that!
Number Four – Agent Kohn:
One’s affections aren’t always expressed with roses and chocolates, some people prefer a pillow and a Glock 17.
Ah, Agent Kohn. I don’t know if I would have been nearly as addicted to Sons of Anarchy had it not been for Agent Kohn. ATF Agent John Kohn is Tara’s psycho ex-boyfriend. She really knows how to pick ‘em, amirite? He’s an obsessive stalker and megalomaniac, but when he’s first introduced you wouldn’t have guessed it. He appears credible, trust worthy even. Kohn travels to Charming to stalk Tara, under the guise that he’s investigating SAMCRO. His plan is eventually discovered and he has his ass handed to him courtesy of Jax. Despite having the stern response of ”not interested” beaten into his face, Kohn goes MIA from the ATF and returns to Charming and continues stalking Tara. His creepiness hits a crescendo when, after attempting to rape Tara, he asks Tara if they can “start fresh.” He wants her to explain to him why their relationship had gone awry and what she would like for him to change about himself. Tara asserts that shooting him in the stomach is the best way to start the healing process. As Agent Kohn lies on the floor bleeding, likely wondering if he had perhaps come on too strong, Tara calls Jax for help. Once Jax arrives he executes a permanent restraining order with a well placed bullet to the head. And here we had been lead to believe that Jax was “…too pretty to be a killer.”
To be honest, that wasn’t even for Tara. That was for making a playlist with nothing but “Can’t Get Used to Missing You” on it!
Oh that’s right, I know how you got those scars!
When I think of Jimmy O’Phelan better known as “Jimmy O”, I immediately think O’ that smug bastard. It wouldn’t be much of stretch to say that “cool, calm and collected” would be his alliterated phrase of choice. It doesn’t take long for Jimmy O to reveal the kind of asshole that he is. It turns out that he has a not so pleasant history with the ever lovable “Chibs”. He had “Chibs” booted out of the Real IRA, banished him from Ireland, and is responsible for the scars on his face. To add insult to injury he married Chibs’ wife Fiona and adopted his daughter, Kerrianne. Few characters have shown up in Sons of Anarchy who I’ve wanted to see die after the first time they open their mouth. Jimmy O solidified his death worthiness when he threatened to kill Fiona and insinuated that he wanted to show Chibs’ daughter his Jimmy “O face”.
What was that about showing Kerrianne your “Jimmy”?!
Jimmy O must get off on messing with people’s family since he was also the asshole responsible for keeping Jax from finding his kidnapped son throughout season 3. Long story short, Jimmy O thankfully gets what’s coming to him after he’s double crossed by some sneaky f-n’ Russians. “Chibs” gives Jimmy O the ”Glasgow smile”, returning the favor for the cosmetic surgery he once gave him. “Chibs” then stabs Jimmy O to death putting his smugness to rest for good.
Number Two - AJ Weston:
I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere, this isn’t Chuck E Cheese!
AJ Weston didn’t make this list for being charismatic, or even menacing, but for embodying a truly worthless human being. Weston is a member of the white separatists group, the League Of American Nationalists (LOAN), who have decided that Charming is in need of makeover. But in order to whitewash Charming, SAMCRO needs to be removed as an obstacle. If the characters in Sons of Anarchy were pieces on a chess board Gemma would undoubtedly be the queen. And like Chess, when the queen is taken out of the picture, then the king is that much more vulnerable. Weston, acting as the pawn of Ethan Zobelle, kidnaps and rapes Gemma. Once Gemma informs the club of what happened, Weston is officially on borrowed time. Before long, SAMCRO catches up to Weston and Jax lays his vengeance upon him. Weston gets a proper send off to the afterlife; riddled with bullets in the restroom of a tattoo parlor. There was something strangely dignified about Weston’s death. He didn’t beg, cry, plead for his life or even attempt to fight back. He simply accepted his fate as it was dealt to him. Had he only been so dignified in life, perhaps his would have lasted longer.
To be fair our plan made sense, on paper at least
Number One – Agent Stahl:
Quit Stahlin’ Opie!
Now onto my favorite antagonist of the series thus far, Agent June Stahl. If Agent Stahl had been a cop in Farmington rather than an ATF Agent in Charming she would have been the perfect love interest for Vic Mackey. Her resume is not all that dissimilar to his. Agent Stahl framed Gemma for a murder she herself committed, a murder which lead to the death of SAMCRO prospect “Halfsac”. On top of that, she killed her own partner, and I mean partner in both the professional and the bedroom sense. As if her hands weren’t stained with enough blood, she set Opie up to look like he had sold out SAMCRO, knowing that her scheme would get him killed. Although Opie survived, at least physically, his wife was mistakenly killed in his place; she was shot in the back of the head with bullets meant for him. It was only fitting that Agent Stahl would share the same fate. Before Opie kills her he orders her to grab the steering wheel, then speaks the last thing she’d ever hear, “This is what she felt.” Opie then splatters her brains on the front windshield echoing the manner which his wife Donna died.
Correction, the last thing she heard was the sound of the MAC-10 going off
- The “Ridin’ Through This World All Alone” Prometheus
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